101 Ways
by Taoris
Summary: Kakashi Hatake was, to politely put it, socially naive. He was blunt, asked the wrong questions and didn't understand what it meant to be sensitive. He has now turned his gaze upon a school teacher by the name of Iruka Umino. The teacher was quite irritated with Kakashi's advances and couldn't decipher what the annoying man wanted...or why he kept doing the randomest of things.
1. In The Beginning

Iruka Umino smiled at the last parent and let out a happy sigh when he closed the door. Today had been parent conference day and Iruka had enough of that for another million years he wasn't very fond of parents yelling in his face and tearfully asking why their children only had a B in his class. Iruka stretched and began packing up his things there was no reason to linger. Just when he was heading out the door his phone rang inside of his pocket. He was tempted to ignore the call when he saw that it was Kotetsu's face on the caller id. "Ruka,were you not going to answer your bestfriends phone call?" Exactly the reason he hadn't wanted to answer the phone. "What do you lot want." "Well its Friday. And we're all free. Don't lie to me I know you just got off. And we all need to relax after this week." Iruka hesitated Kotetsu had just suggested they have a party. Which meant Izumo was going to call ANko. And Anko was going to spend the entire night trying to sloshed. Which was never a good thing. Once she even went as far as to spike his nonalcoholic drink. "Will she-demon be there." Iruka rolled his eyes at Kotetsu's nervous chuckle. "I have to babysit Naruto tonight anyway." The evil laugh that Iruka received as an answer worried him. "Nope you can't pull that card. I talked to Kushina. And your neighbor is in town so you don't have to walk her cats,water her dogs and all those other bullshit excuse that you give us _every_ week." Iruka bit his lip and contemplated trying another lie. "Please Ruka,We won't bother you for an entire month if you can go with us this one time. Onegai?" The teacher sighed and mumbled a yes into his phone. He hung up as soon as he heard Kotetsu's whoops of victory. "Guess I won't get any grading done." Iruka didn't know that with that one minute phone conversation,he had sold his soul to the Akuman of Konoha.

The Akuman of Konoha was a nickname that Iruka had,not so affectionately,given his friends. They deserved it though. Their evil antics caused many people trouble. The sight of them made old ladies faint,children hide under their beds ,and dogs howl. Iruka himself shivered as he saw the cars parked in front of his house. He had hoped to escape their evil clutches. He got out and went to his front door. Just when he was about to pull out his key the door swung open. _What state of mind was I in when I gave Anko a key to my house._ "Omizu,hurry up and get dressed. I have to straighten your hair." Iruka didn't even have time to argue before Kurenai dragged me upstairs to my bedroom. "Sit and don't you dare speak back to me." Using the teacher voice against someone who used it for their job was futile. But Iruka listened. Until he saw what his friends had laid out for him to wear.


	2. The Was A Ninja

Chapter 2-There Was A Ninja

"Izukunzo." Kurenai's eyes narrowed dangerously. "If you didn't want to wear it why did you buy them?" On the chair there were the tightest pair of jeans to exist. Anko often forced him to go shopping for things that 'weren't fitting for a twenty-five year old man'. Iruka knew he was closer to thirty than eighteen but it was useless to argue with Akuma 1.

Akuma 1 Anko

Akuma 2 Kotetsu and Izumo (they both deserved the title)

Akuma 3 Kurenai and Asuma

Akuma 4 Ibiki

Akuma 5 Genma and Raidou

They were ranked by their evilness and _chisetsu_ deeds. Just last week Anko had filled his shoes with _pudingu_. That had bumped her ahead of Kotetsu and Izumo. Kurenai forced him out of his thoughts when she shoved a shirt and the _tonda _pants. "Saa Saa". Iruka dressed without complaint,he fully intended to spend the time there drinking and playing on his phone. He found his ID in a drawer and went out to Ibiki's car. Since Ibiki never drank anyway he was often placed as the driver. The car was loud and Iruka happily joined in on the _yukai_ laughter. He actually felt excited. He was realizing that he hadn't been out since those few times during high school. He wondered how much the club scene had changed since then. The line to get in was still long. And the bouncer let him in after a sweet smile and a flash of his ID. THis had been particularly dangerous when he was younger but he basked in the feeling and always held his breath when the bouncer leaned forward to see clearer. When he got inside the loud music made him stagger. He was going to go deaf in five minutes. Anko dragged him toward a table near the bar and shoved him next to a guy i green. "RU,THIS IS MIGHT GAI. AND THE OTHER GUY IS KAKASHI." Iruka was confused on why she said 'guy' so many times before he realized that it was this guys name. And scarecrow? Iruka knew that his name was a little weird but scarecrow? "Hello My New Friend,Anko Has Told Me Much About You!" Iruka was worried about the fact that he didn't have to yell to make himself heard. The one with the kinda odd name just waved at him and went back to his book. Everyone began to trickle away and made way to the bar/dance floor/smoker section. Iruka and Kakashi were soon alone at the table. Iruka entertained himself by playing with his drink and playing on his phone. But those things eventually bored him. He flinched when someone tapped on his shoulder. The person that touched him gave a coy smile. he was a male of almost ordinary appearance;black hair,white skin, and dark eyes. Iruka wasn't interested in the slightest. "I'm Kujin, would you like a drink?" Iruka gave a distressed smile and shook his head no. "You sure baby?" Another head shake. "Maybe I can interest you in something else." Iruka pulled arms away from Kujin and pointed to Hatake. "My boyfriend wouldn't like that very much." Kujin glared at Kakashi and leaned down to Iruka's face. "Hit me up by the bar when you get bored of _him_." Kakashi looked up from his book and it occurred to Iruka that Kakashi might have heard what he said about him being his boyfriend. "he asked you nicely to leave,so shoo _youbai" _ Iruka tried to hide his grin as the troublesome man slunk away. The two sat in silence until it was time to leave. That was when things got a bit out of hand.


	3. That Had An Issue

Chapter Three-That Had An Issue

"Come on 'Ruka Its time to go." Iruka lifted his head from his phone and gave Anko one perfectly raised brow. Her purple hair was down from its ponytail and looked strange under the flashing lights. "I'll try to find the others,meet me by the door in twenty."

Without hearing a word that Iruka had to say,she left. Iruka huffed and went back to sipping his drink. His eyes wandered aimlessly until they landed ,for the millionth time, on Kakashi. The silver haired man was still so focused on his orenji book. Which looked awfully familiar.

Kakashi himself didn't seem to be paying any attention to Iruka and his kouryo gaze. This filled him with an emotion that almost felt like he was being mushi. Iruka resist the urge to pout. Iruka looked over at the bar and was shocked to see people dancing on the counter. "Siehe!"

Strangely enough the watchers cheered the dancers on and Iruka knew that he had to leave when the first shirt and pair of jeans went flying. "Gehen wir!" Iruka blushed when KAkashi cocked his head at him and translated the sentence. Kakashi glanced down at his watch and nodded.

The pair stood and made their way to the exit just in time for a bura to go flying over to where they had previously sat. This caused the crowd to go insane and for Iruka to be separated from his lifesaver. Iruka fought through the crowd for what seemed like forever, but it could have only been a few minutes. Iruka finally got outside and took a deep breath of the cold air. iruka started toward the parking lot before someone blocked his path.

"Entschuldigen Sie bitte",he mumbled and was surprised when the person in front of him chuckled. "You've forgotten me already, kyuuutii? Iruka's heart did an olympic jump into his throat when he saw that it was Kujin blocking his way. Iruka shook his head (deja vu) and tried to step pass. "Come on you can't already be trying to leave,yeah?" He backed Iruka up against a wall and leaned extremely close to his face. Iruka began to panic. His mai aida was very important to him and people getting too close reminded him of… He lost he train of thought when Kujin pushed his hair back from his face.

"You still want your boyfriend?" Iruka said nothing and gently tried to push the other away. When he did so, an expression of pure ikari showed on his face. "Don't pretend that I don't know. You're a whore. I could see it in the way that you walk. You want this,yeah." Panic and Bile seemed to come from deep within him. He started to struggle when Kujin's hands went to his abdomen. He couldn't breathe. The air that he had been inhaling so deeply earlier seemed to choke him mercilessly. The feeling of being trapped intensified when his wrist were forced behind him. Iruka realized that the blabbering of German was him begging. He grit his teeth and tried harder to yank away from the irrsinnig creep. Iruka managed to slam his foot into the back of the others knees. Iruka immediately tried to run when the man crumbled,but the taller grabbed him by his ankles,bringing him to the ground. Iruka's breathing was still panicked and frightened and somewhere ,in the back of his mind, he wondered why no one could hear him. He tried to kick him in his head and groaned when unnaturally long nails dug into his leg. "KAMI" Iruka quickly got up when the grip on his leg loosened and wasn't very surprised to see that someone had come to his rescue. He fought down a bitter smile. He should be grateful. Who knew what would have happened to him. Iruka's heart completely stopped when he saw that it was Kakashi who had Kujin by his shirt. Iruka flinched when Kakashi's fist came down on the scratched face with surprising force. "I should fucking kill you." Kujin sputtered when Kakashi threw him back onto the ground. "Are you alright?" Iruka couldn't find his voice and simply nodded. Kakashi threw him arm over Iruka's shoulder and began to talk about nothing. Iruka resisted the temptation to glance over at the still whimpering Kujin.


	4. He Didn't Know

Chapter Four- He Didn't Know How

Iruka didn't say much,he let Kakashi talk. There was something strangely comforting about his calm and cool voice. Kakashi didn't seem too bothered by his silence and filled it with his own voice. "Yo~" Iruka and Kakashi looked over to see everyone coming toward the cars. Iruka glanced down at his watch. They were just over forty minutes late.

The whole lot of them were staggering and giggling which told Iruka that he probably had to drive. Ibiki had a light blush on his face and he kept leaning to the side and steadying himself. Anko cried out happily when she got close to Iruka and threw her arms around him.

Ibiki complained quietly when Iruka held out his hand for the keys and could see Kakashi getting his own keys. "I'll take Gai,Gen and Rai,and Asuma if you take the others. "Sicher,follow me" It took a few minutes for Iruka to convince everyone to get in, put on their seatbelts and be quiet. But after a few threats,bribes and promises; he did it.

The car ride to Iruka's house was silent except for Genma's short bursts of laughter every five minutes. Iruka looked in the rear view mirror to see Kakashi's black car still following. When they arrived Genma tried to open his door and instead banged his head on the window. "AHH,THE CAR IS TRYING TO KILL ME,OMORI" Iruka rolled his eyes and went to open his front door. "Was that Genma?" Iruka grinned,"Who else?" Kakashi's visible eye crinkled into a smile.

For the next ten minutes the two struggled to get everyone in. Ibiki stumbled out and went inside without a word with Anko and Genma decided that they wanted to serenade him before they could go inside. Iruka waved at when he saw her peeking out from her curtains.

Iruka leaned heavily against his front door after he closed it. "Where is your aspirin." Iruka nodded in the direction of the downstairs bathroom. He babysat the drunk adults while Kakashi got the medicine. "Stay. You too Kata" Iruka's cat meowed in protest and winded around his legs. Iruka picked the orange tabby up and placed him on Genma's chest. The cat didn't very much like the straw chewing man and often took every opportunity it could to scratch him. This time was no different. Iruka was extremely pleased with himself when he heard the baka's scream.

Kakashi soon returned from the bathroom and force fed everyone their medicine. Ibiki, like the wonderful person that he was, took it without complaint. But everyone else put up a terrible fight. Anko knocked over a lamp and nearly set the living room on fire. Genma was still struggling with Kata. With some impressive new scars to add to his ever growing collection. Iruk was tired and irritated by the time that the medicine had kicked in. Ibiki,the saint, dragged himself upstairs to sleep and was silent for the rest of the night. Everyone else passed out in hazardous positions in the living room. Iruka nearly tripped over Kata trying to make it to the kitchen. The tabby was strangely curled upon Genma's chest. Iruka walked into his kitchen to find Kakashi sitting at his breakfast bar with _that _book. Iruka tried to avoid being awkward by pretending to straighten up and decided to quickly leave before he made a fool of himself. He locked all the windows and choose to leave the alarm on incase Kakashi wanted to stay. Iruka went upstairs to his bedroom,didn't even attempt to remove his clothes, and fell into bed.


	5. How To Exactly Solve

Chapter Five- To Exactly Solve

Word List

1Dammit

2Dolphin

3"Really?"

4Lady

5Impatient

6Chef

7Leeches

8Its a delicious German breakfast ( recipes/hash-brown-sausage-bake)

9cute; pretty

Iruka woke up hot and sweaty. His head was aching even though he hadn't had a single alcoholic drink the entire night. He rolled out of bed and fell straight onto his face. "(1)Chietu"

Iruka stretched his limbs and tried to snuggle into the cold hardwood of his floor.

"I heard you swearing,(2)shiira*~" Iruka glared at the door and groaned when Anko burst inside with energy that was not possible for someone who had a hangover. "Get up and make us food Ruka." Iruka snorted and rolled under his bed. "(3)Ikanimo?*" Iruka yelped when Ank grabbed his ankles and began pulling him. "Mrrow?" "Save me,Kata!"

"Don't even try it pussy-cat." The insulted cat left his master to battle with the loud (4)okugata*.

"Anny,what are you doing to our water mammal?" Iruka kicked Anko's legs and smirked when she let him go. "Please would be the correct word,baka." Anko rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. "How much do I have to make?" "Kakashi,Gai,Genma,and Raiduo are still here." Anko pushed Iruka into the hallway and tried to pull him down the stairs. "Don't be so (5)ungeduldig,Ko." Iruka's own stomach let out a growl to protest his hypocrisy. Iruka walked into his kitchen to see three and a half pairs of eyes staring at him. "Get to work,(6)Ita." Iruka threw a towel that had been resting on the counter at Genma. "Get out,all of you (7)hiru."

Iruka kicked everyone out and pulled out the (8)Hash Brown Sausage Bake out of the fridge from the day before,he had made too much for himself and Naruto to eat so it would be perfect for breakfast. He was completely oblivious to the silent silver haired male sitting at the breakfast bar behind him.

Kakashi woke up with a crick in his neck from sleeping on the couch. He awoke all at once and lied there silently for a moment,listening to his surroundings. He could hear Anko waking up and Asuma leaving with Kurenai. A few minutes later he could hear Ibiki's oddly silent footsteps leaving. It was quiet for about five minutes before Gai came to harass him. "My Ever Lovely Rival Must Be Awake. You Certainly Can Not Fool Me After All These Years,Kakashi. Gai gave him a blinding smile when he opened his eyes and sat up. "What time is it,Gai." Gai just flashed him another cornea damaging smile. Kakashi didn't care to attention to the way that everyone woke up and found himself sitting in the kitchen with three people who should have had hangovers but the were extremely hyperactive and a little too lively for nine o'clock on a Saturday morning. He had been sitting there meditating when Iruka Umino walked in,looking rumpled and kind of…(9)mabui.


	6. So He Went For Help

Chapter Six-So He Went For Help

Kakashi silently assessed Iruka with his eyes. His shoulder length brown hair was down,it softened his facial expression. Kakashi wondered what it felt like. WOuld it be soft and slip through his fingers like a feather?

Iruka had changed into a rather simple t shirt with a pair of shorts that had Kakashi imagining what his thighs would feel like. Kakashi tried to get the thought oy of his mind;Anko was giving him a creepy,knowing grin. "Get out,all of you hiru." Kakashi watched said leeches leave the kitchen,Anko and Genma throwing him odd looks over their shoulders.

Kakashi brushed a hand through his hair,suddenly self conscious of how ragged he looked. He had planned to leave but Anko had lured him in with promises of breakfast. He was pretty sure that he looked like a mess and was kind of worried about what Iruka may think of him. He watched Iruka put a pan into the oven and get plates down from the cabinets. Kakashi couldn't help but look as Iruka struggled to get a plate from the top,which resulted in his shirt rising...he could see his back and what looked like scars. Just a bit higher and his shorts would go lower… "Iruka is it ready yet~" Anko came into the kitchen and Kakashi put his usual bored expression to avoid looking guilty. Anko still focused an accusing glare at him. He flashed her a finger and looked at Iruka innocently when he turned around after Anko screeched. "Whats wrong with you,Anny." Anko pointed at Kakashi and he smiled at her in response. "Don't be an idiot,Anny. Now go call everyone in here." The scandalized purple haired woman stuck her tongue out at Kakashi and left to retrieve Genma and Raiduo. Kakashi zoned out for a few minutes until Iruka placed a plate of something that looked delicious in front of him. "What is it?",Raiduo asked quietly. "Its a German breakfast food." Kakashi thought the fact that Iruka was German very exciting. He had always had a thing for anything foreign. The language sounded absolutely perfect coming from his mouth. Kakashi was disturbed from his thoughts when his phone vibrated and he saw a message from his boss. 'The dog is needed outside of his dog house.' The code was odd but he knew that he was needed. "Maa,I'm sorry Iruka but I gotta go,duty calls." Iruka flashed him a smile and reassured him that it was alright to leave. Kakashi got into his car,not looking forward to his mission.


End file.
